Petruska Clarkson

Following the announcement of Petruska’s passing, many people, from all walks of life, have expressed a desire to record their thoughts, feelings, and condolences. Others want to recall and describe significant moments in their life with Petruska. Please add your comments or make a posting as you wish below. For any further information please email

Monday, July 10, 2006

Petruska’s Last Letter

Petruska left the following letter in the hotel room. I received it this week from Amsterdam. Her family and old friends believe it was intended for all her friends, colleagues, and students and have agreed to place it here for all to read. It was written in longhand in her a4 notepad, which was left open at the applicable page.The letter suggests she was content with her life, and as i am finding out more, she had been reflecting upon this for some considerable time.

* * *

PLEASE Do Not Rescuscitate Please

My will is in my wallet with my passport. I have no next of kin.

I love being in this city of canals and liberal laws. It is raining and I am happy. I believe that it is a basic human right to decide when you want to die – abortion after all is taking the life of another human being. But soon this will have to be considered as the elderly over-populate and over-burden the planet. In time perhaps people like me will be given incentives to do it. Or at least supported, even approved of, valued.

Freedom must include the right to choose whose slave you want to be or not.

I have understood that my research of recent years retains its continuity and integrity - from apartheid, women’s liberation, gay rights, & with Vincent, changing English Law to prevent more abuses of clients and students etc. etc. – generally the alleviation of human suffering and the development of human potential*.

I could have done better, but I could certainly have done worse.

*However, the clues are all there already. Hidden in my previous published and unpublished writings. I am sorry that I did not have the time and protection to spell this out.

I am grateful and feel blessed by my life’s gifts. I have loved and been loved like few other women I have ever met. Several long times. Many short eternities too. I’ve always loved my womb.

Fortune – I have made some but not been interested enough not to just give it away (e.g. a million pound p.a. turnover company for 1 penny!). And that’s only 1 example of many more…

Fame – didn’t like it. Wasn’t suited to it. Researched it. Hurt me more than helped me. Even on such a minor scale. Read it.

I’ve been to wonder-full places, had amaze-ing experiences and interacted with beauty. I have been happier than I ever imagined humans could be in these last years.

I’ve had a sufficiency. My tummy for life is full and pc wants to go home now.

Yes, fear (of survival),
anger, but mostly
peace = full-ness,
mostly joy,
gratitude and love

* * *

As Rumi said:

“In the absence of malice there is nothing but happiness and good times. Don't dwell in sorrow my friend.”

I don’t think Petruska would want it, and she has left us much work to get on with.

John Nuttall

You have my solemn assurance that nothing has been omitted or the letter edited in anyway.